Forever Hold Me
by kate04us
Summary: Add-on to 3x16 - "Leap of Faith". Andy is sad about his pen being evidence after Shapiro tried to kill himself with it. Sharon wants to make him feel better. Happy #ShandySunday!


**Forever Hold Me**

by Kate04

**A/N: **While watching 3x16 – "Leap of Faith" I noticed how sad Andy looked when Shapiro tried to kill himself with Andy's pen. Made me wonder if maybe it wasn't just some generic pen, but one that held some special meaning.

**Most Bossy Robin** has done an amazing beta job once again. Since it's the weekend, she gets a jumbo Margarita.

A big 'thank you' to my dear twin **Kadi219** for providing the beautiful words for the inscription and her help with choosing an appropriate pen and to **lontanissima **for her help and the poem.

**Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox, not my toys. Just giving them a good time.

"_You brave, brave thing._

_One day, you're going to_

_stop leaving the door open _

_for people who only know how_

_to keep leaving."_

_- Y.Z_

She found Andy leaning over Amy's desk, one hand braced on the smooth surface, the other holding an evidence bag. Sharon knew what he was looking at, why his shoulders were slumped in sadness. She had seen his unhappy expression when Mike had taken the pen out of his hands in the interview room earlier, after Bill Shapiro had tried to kill himself with it. She was aware that it wasn't just one of the cheap ballpoint many officers carried around. He'd had it for a long time and always made sure it was returned to him when he gave it to anyone.

Everyone else had already followed her orders to go home almost an hour ago, but as he so often did, Andy had lingered, waiting for her to finish up the last reports. Stepping up behind him, Sharon put a gentle hand between his shoulder blades, the other caressing his arm as she looked at the blood smeared pen in his hand.

"It was a present from my father. He sent it to me on the fifth anniversary of my last drink. That was the first I had heard from him since Amanda kicked me out. He took it really hard that I went down the same road he did. Stopped speaking to me for years."

He fell silent for a long moment as Sharon continued stroking his back in slow, comforting circles.

"I'm sorry, Andy. I know it means a lot to you. If you want to, I'll make sure it's returned to you as soon as FID is done looking into this incident."

Giving her a small smile, Andy nodded, his tone resigned.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Although I doubt it's gonna be of much use. Not sure I'll ever get it cleaned properly."

It hurt Sharon to no end to see him like this. A while ago, during one of their dinners, Andy had told her about his father and how much he had looked up to him, had admired him for fighting his addiction and getting his life put together again. He had been Andy's inspiration during his own struggle, even though the man had refused to talk to his son at the time.

She still remembered running into Andy a few years ago, just days after he had returned from his Dad's funeral. They hadn't been on particularly good terms back then, but that day their conversation had been civil as she had offered her condolences and a gentle hand on his shoulder instead of the reprimand he would ordinarily have earned for roughing up a suspect. He'd been in a bad place for a while, but fortunately that had been the only incident that had required the involvement of her division.

Putting her arm around him now, she gave him a quick hug from the side, hoping to be able to divert his thoughts a little.

"It's late. How about we get out of here and get some dinner? I feel like a large plate of Luigi's risotto. What do you think?"

This time his smile was a lot more convincing, as he dropped the evidence bag onto the desk again, put his arm around her waist and pulled her into his side. He placed a quick, affectionate kiss into her hair before he let her go to get his jacket and keys from his own desk.

"Sounds great, but make it Fettuccini Alfredo for me. And I'm buying."

Sharon was ready to protest, but the look he gave her stopped the words in her throat. If it made him happy, she would let him pay, even if she was certain that it was her turn. His hand resting against her lower back in a familiar, warm gesture of endearing possessiveness, they made their way towards the elevator.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When Andy pulled into his driveway, he noticed the familiar silver sedan parked at the curb and for a moment he wondered if he had forgotten a date. But no, he was certain that they hadn't made any plans for today. He tried to ignore the niggling concern as he saw her sitting on the wooden steps that led up to his front door. She had obviously been home before coming to his house, looking lovely in jeans, a long, white cashmere pullover and suede boots. Even her hair appeared more casual the way it framed her face in gentle curls. Walking up to her, Andy gave her a questioning look.

"Hey Sharon. Is everything alright? Did I forget that we were supposed to meet?"

She gave him a slightly hesitant smile, her hands firmly clasped around something as she stood up to greet him with a quick kiss on his cheek. The soft scent of her perfume made him inhale deeply. It was the one she usually wore when they went out together, softer and a little sweeter than the scent she preferred for work.

"Oh no, you haven't forgotten anything. I just… There was something I wanted you to have and I didn't think it would've been appropriate to give it to you at the office."

Looking down at the artfully wrapped gift, Sharon rubbed the dark purple ribbon between her fingers in an uncharacteristic show of uncertainty before she extended it towards him. She gazed at him through lowered lashes, her demeanour somewhere between happy and panicky, which only confused him more. As soon as his hand closed around the package, his fingers gently brushing against hers, she started retreating down the two steps. Her hand came to rest on his arm for a brief, affectionate touch, her softly spoken words full of pride and admiration.

"Happy 20th Anniversary, Andy."

Sharon let her hand glide down to his elbow before she turned to leave. It took Andy a few seconds to catch up, but when he did, his arm shot out to hold on to her shoulder. She turned back around, surprise written on her face.

"Hey, you're leaving already?"

She looked a little uncomfortable, her eyes switching back and forth between his face and the gift in his hands. Andy grinned mischievously at her. She was nervous about the present, which had him even more curious about its content than he had been before.

"You know, when you run off like that after handing me a mysterious box, I might start to suspect that it'll blow up in my face when I open it. I think I want to keep you around just to make sure it's safe."

Her reaction was entertaining and Andy had to try very hard not to laugh at the different expressions that flitted over her face one after another in the space of a few short seconds, before she finally settled on cautious amusement.

"Come on in, Sharon. I'll make us some tea. How about it? Wanna save me from an evening of college football?"

He flashed her the lopsided smile he knew she had a hard time resisting and it had the desired effect. With a sigh and an exaggerated roll of her eyes, Sharon walked back up the stairs and followed him inside, leaving her shoes next to his in the hallway before she wandered into his kitchen to fill the electric kettle while he put away his badge and gun. Poking his head through the kitchen door, he studied her efficient movements for a moment. Andy loved that Sharon felt so relaxed in his home, opening cabinet doors to retrieve mugs and tea bags and preparing everything for the boiling water the same way she would in her own kitchen.

"I'll just go and change quickly. Make yourself at home."

He heard her affirmative hum as he turned towards the bedroom down the hall.

When he returned, much more comfortable in a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt, he found Sharon on his large, dark brown leather sofa, her legs curled under her and a steaming cup of tea in her hands. She smiled at him as he sank into the soft cushions next to her with a happy sigh and picked up the package from the coffee table, studying it intently. He cast a few suspicious looks at her, carefully inspecting the long, flat box in its shiny, silver and lavender paper, only opening it when his act had elicited the desired laugh and eye-roll.

He noticed that her fingers fidgeted nervously with the rim of her teacup. Her unusual insecurity was kind of endearing, but he began to grow truly concerned about her. Something was troubling her. Dropping the wrapping paper and bow on the table, he let the small, flat box lay in his lap as one of his hands came to rest on her arm, squeezing gently to get her attention.

"Hey, you mind telling me what's going on? You look like you're about to jump out of your skin. What's that all about, hmm?"

For a long moment, she refused to look at him, her gaze firmly fixed on the steaming mug in her hands. Andy gently brushed his fingers against her chin, urging her to face him. She did so reluctantly and the expression in her luminous eyes tugged at his heart. For some reason, Sharon was afraid and Andy wondered what he might have done to cause that.

She pressed her lips together, drawing the bottom one between her teeth and chewed on it, focusing on the black, leather-covered box with the flowing gold letters.

"I'm sorry, Andy. I'm afraid that I'm not very good at this." A nervous flick of her hand indicated the present and the space between them. It did very little to clear things up for Andy, so he raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate.

"I don't… Is it even appropriate to… you know…" And again her hands flailed a little, possibly gesturing at the gift. Slowly, the entire situation began to make sense to him and he gave her a gentle smile, once again making her meet his eyes with a soft touch under her chin.

"Are you wondering if giving me a present for this anniversary is okay?"

Sharon shrugged and nodded, looking so unlike her usual, confident self that he wanted to hug her. It was the first time he had seen her this out of it and it made him wonder why it was such a big deal for her. Jack had been in AA for a while, too, and Andy knew for a fact that, even though he hadn't made it very long, there had been a few milestones worthy of celebrating before he had decided to leave his family for the cards. Her words, softly spoken and tinged with sadness and pain, answered his question.

"Jack never was very appreciative of anyone recognizing his accomplishments."

The picture her simple statement painted was very clear and the thought that her ex-husband had hurt her feelings enough to still affect her now, just because she had wanted to do something nice for him, saddened Andy. He let his hand cup her cheek before sliding it into her hair to draw her towards him. Placing a gentle kiss against her temple, he smiled at her, his voice a quiet rumble deep in his chest.

"Well, I appreciate it very much."

Andy let go of her and leaned back again, his eyes focusing on the still unopened box in his lap. Sharon was grateful for having a moment to compose herself. She was incredibly frustrated by her inability to deal with this situation like a reasonable adult. She knew that Andy wasn't like Jack, that he wouldn't react the same way as her ex-husband had, but some memories apparently weren't so easy to get rid of. This particular one was still as vivid as if it had been yesterday instead of more than two decades ago.

Jack had been sober for one year and Sharon had been so proud of him and so very happy that he had made it that far, despite what her parents and most of her friends had predicted. She had taken the day off, had arranged for the kids to stay at their friends' for the night and had prepared everything for a romantic evening at home. When Jack had come home that night, he had been greeted by the smell of roasted chicken, a beautifully set table bathed in candlelight, the soft tunes of smooth Jazz and his wife in the short, dark blue dress he liked so much. As she had welcomed him with a long, sensual kiss, he had pushed her away and asked her what this was all about. After her explanation, suspicion had given way to anger and instead of enjoying the evening with her husband, celebrating his first year of being sober, Sharon had sat at the table alone, the lavish dinner long since cold, and had cried until there hadn't been any tears left and the candles had burned down. She hadn't been tempted to try again the year after, because by that time Jack had already left, his family and sobriety given up for card games and bets.

She watched Andy's hands caress the smooth surface of the gift box. By now, he had to suspect what she had gotten him, the name his fingers traced leaving very little doubt about the nature of the present. When he finally opened the lid, Sharon held her breath. She had changed her mind about giving him this gift so many times in the last few weeks that she had lost count at some point, never quite able to decide if it was too much, too intimate, not appropriate, a stupid attempt to replace something irreplaceable. In the end, she had found herself in front of his door, intending to just give him the present and leave again. She should have known that he wouldn't let her get away with that.

Andy stared at the object inside the box for a long moment, lost for words. Nestled in a bed of light grey satin sat a stunningly beautiful black and silver pen. Finally daring to touch it, he let his fingers brush over the elegant, gleaming item. As he picked it up and inspected it closer, Andy figured that the silver parts looked more like platinum, giving him another hint at how valuable a present he was holding, if the name Montblanc hadn't been indication enough. He was just about to try and find the right words to thank Sharon when a few delicate words caught his eye. On the black cap of the pen there was a gracefully slanted, silver inscription, three simple words that stole his breath once again, three simple words that meant the world to him.

_Forever hold me_

He didn't know what to say, hadn't expected something like that. Of course, Sharon Raydor didn't do cheap or senseless gifts. It was something he had learned early on with her. She valued quality in everything she chose and she put a lot of thought into picking the perfect present. He had seen her do it several times, so it shouldn't have surprised him that this gift was no exception. What rendered him speechless was the inscription, words that, on the surface, were perfect for a valuable pen, but in truth spoke of so much more. They came from her heart and spoke to his, leaving his brain out of the loop and with no adequate response.

_Forever hold me_

His complete lack of reaction was making Sharon even more anxious. She had set her teacup onto the coffee table when holding it long after its contents were gone became ridiculous. With nothing else to occupy her hands, they alternately fidgeted, balled into fists or sought for absent pockets to hide in. When Andy let his fingertips brush over the inscription on the pen, Sharon was ready to jump up and run. She shouldn't have done this. It had been a bad idea to put him on the spot like this. Not for the first time did she curse her split second decision to have the pen engraved - or to give him a pen in the first place. She knew he wouldn't say anything, but that made it even worse. He would smile and thank her and say all the right things, but underneath all that he'd resent it. With every second she thought about it, Sharon became more and more convinced that she had made a terrible mistake, one that would ruin their friendship and possibly even their work relationship. When the silence became unbearable, Sharon looked away, her voice thick with suppressed emotion as she blurted out her chaotic, panicky thoughts.

"I'm sorry. This probably was a terrible idea. I know this can never replace your father's pen. I don't know what I was thinking. I saw it and it reminded me of you and I didn't really think how it would maybe make you feel even worse about losing the other pen. If you don't want to keep it, it's okay. You can tell me. It was just a silly thought. I don't want this to make things between us awkward. Can we please just forget about it? It doesn't have to mean anything."

Her words almost ran into each other as she spoke, the eloquence and deliberation with which she usually expressed herself completely absent. If it hadn't been for the tips of Andy's fingers landing over her lips, she would probably have gone on for a while longer. As it was, she went instantly quiet at his soft touch, eyes wide and heart pounding wildly as he fixed his intense gaze onto her.

For a while, he said nothing, just held her eyes with his, searching for something in the emerald depth. Sharon felt heat pooling in her core, slowly spreading through her veins, along her spine, and into her hands that had finally fallen silent, making her body tingle pleasantly. She was scared of what might happen next, what it might mean for them, but at the same time she felt infinitely protected by him, his eyes full of barely restrained passion and hope, fear and uncertainty and possibly even something more, something she didn't dare name yet.

When he finally spoke, his voice was deep and raspy, sounding almost breathless.

"To _me_ it means everything."

With that he closed the remaining distance between them, his mouth lingered mere centimeters from hers for a few seconds, a last chance for her to back out, before his lips finally touched hers in a tender caress. Sharon let her eyes drift shut at the sensation, melting into his solid body, her arms sliding around his neck, fingers combing through his short hair. With a soft sigh, she opened her lips to his insistent tongue, moaning when it brushed against hers. He pulled her impossibly closer, her breasts pressing against his broad chest, hands roaming over her back, impatiently tugging at her shirt on a quest for skin as their tongues dueled, explored, caressed.

At some point, the need for oxygen became paramount and they had to separate. Andy trailed soft kisses along her jaw and down the side of her neck, nuzzling the sensitive spot right behind her earlobe until her body trembled with desire. Then he just held her, his warm breath feathering over her ear as his lips brushed against it, his arms solid and strong around her.

"I've got you. Forever."

Sharon moaned into his neck, tightening her hold on him even further. Here, in the safety of his embrace, the notion of forever was easy to believe in.


End file.
